Just a warning. I'm on emotional overload tonight. This could get ugly.

Odd things keep happening in life, that I can't really explain. Thoughts and urges have come over me in the last week that have NEVER happened before. Last night I felt someones pain. They were upset and I cried FOR them. I have never cried for someone. I'm always the person that can keep it pulled together and doesn't break down. I couldn't. What does that mean? It has to mean something. There are feelings being fought that I've never even had to worry about before.

The holidays always make me feel lonely. I dread them. Even when I was dating someone we didn't spend holidays together (and i thought that was ok because why?). I dream of being with someone and getting to spend time with BOTH of our families. To be surrounded by SO many people that care about you and to enjoy all of their company. Hectic as it can get I'm sure, I live for the day I can do that.

New Years Eve. It is like the one day when you "have to have plans". It's like an unwritten rule. Which was fine when I had a big group of friends in high school that always got together, but now I don't. Out of that group of friends NONE of them are around. The one friend I spent it with last year isn't really talking to me anymore and I'm sure has some poor life decisions to make that night. Another night that just proves how alone you can really be in the world.

How do dreams work? Part of me believes that it is just your brain processing everything that you've done that day or thought about, but part of me thinks they are signs of something. Either way. I've had some vivid dreams last night and today.