Sounds Like Life to Me...

I heard this song on the radio the other day and in a time when everything is crazy and uncertain it really spoke volumes to me.

How do you know when something is right?

I often ask myself this question. Am I making the right decisions? Lately this question has been at the top of the list. Mainly because I have many decisions that lie ahead of me, none of which I have an answer to at the moment. I know that I made the right decision by getting my degree in Early Childhood Education, and I believe that I made the right decision to not go to Grad School right away. Part of me believes (maybe just because i want it to be the truth) that I was lucky enough to student teach in Kindergarten (which Bluffton never lets happen) because I am going to need that experience later on in life. I want more than anything for that later to be this coming fall, but who really knows.
I know that I have made the right decision when it comes to finding "the one" It is a feeling that truly cannot be replaced. There are no questions, you aren't wondering if it really is meant to be, you just know. Your life is better because of them and you can't imagine a day without them. They don't bring you stress, worry, or anger. I feel blessed to have found this so early in life. I am only 21, I have plenty of life ahead of me and I am more than thankful to be with such an amazing person already in life.
Then comes the unknown. How do you know where to work? Obviously at this point in the game if someone hands me a teaching job I'm going to take it. But what if I have to choose? What if I don't get a teaching job, where do i choose to sub and where do I choose to get a part time on the side job? Where do I live? Who do I live with? How do I explain my choices to everyone if they don't agree? I want so badly for it to all work out and I know everyone keeps saying don't worry it will, but will it really? No one can be sure. I hate the unknown, I hate waiting, I hate making decisions, and I hate explaining myself to people. For those reasons alone all of this scares the crap out of me.

Random Thoughts with a Smidge of Explanation

• Discovery: Everyone says that you really figure out who you are when you enter college, but I think you do more thinking about who you are when you are leaving college.
  
• Homework: I only have a week. What am I waiting for?
• Jobs: I'm trying to be patient and to let the plans unfold, but it's killing me.
  
• Friends: I'm trying my best to fit them all in and make them all happy. Who knows if it's working or not.
  
• Curves: I do believe I'll be joining back up here in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to it and so are my jeans ;)
• Packing and Unpacking: I HATE IT. It has begun and I'm looking forward to it being done.
  

The end is near

In less than 2 weeks I will have a Bachelor's degree in hand. I will have completed my college education, and what do I intend to do with it? Who even knows. I mean the ultimate goal is to teach and have a job and a home and things of that nature, but it isn't looking so promising out there right now. I'd like to take this time now though, not to dwell on the unknown, but to look at the past. What would I have done differently in my four years at Bluffton?

• Taken it more seriously from the beginning. In the first couple of years you are going to classes thinking do the homework, pass the test enough to not fail, move on. I probably should have actually retained some of that stuff and I probably should have tried to keep my GPA higher.
  
• Joined more clubs. Not only do they look good on your resume, but they let you meet more people, have more experiences, and they kill the boredom.
  
• Expand my circle of friends. I have a few close friends from school, but not nearly as many as I would have liked to come away with. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for the ones that I have. I just wish I would have taken the time to get to know more people on a more personal level.
  
• Went on a few more random trips. College is the perfect time to do this. You have the time and everyone you go with is just as broke as you. So they don't mind sleeping in the cheapest motel you can find. My trips included Amish country and Indy and that's about it. Pathetic.
• Went on a cross-cultural trip. It was a golden opportunity that I passed up for all the wrong reasons. Yes, it was a good choice as far as my TESOL is concerned, but I wish I had the experience.
• Took better care of my body. You know, eating better, working out more. I was much smaller when I entered college than I am now as I'm about to leave.
  

A Dedication...

There are people that come in and out of your life all of the time. I have plenty of people that I call my friends and I have plenty of people that I've been friends with in the past and am no longer friends with now. I've lost touch with a lot of people and life has taken my on a different path than a lot of my older friends. Right now though, I'd like to take the chance to recognize the people that mean the most to me as of today.


Lori: We have been through it all together. She's been my best friend since about 6th grade when I said "Hi, I think you know my mom..." We've grown up together. Experienced life, death, heartbreak, and many bad decisions together. Our famous line of "I think I made a mistake". We don't live near each other and we only see each other a couple of times a year, but when we talk on the phone or when we are together it's like we haven't missed a heartbeat. She can cheer me up in any situation and I know that I can always turn to her for a laugh and an honest opinion.


Steven: He's more than just a friend clearly. We started off as friends to help each other through tough times and it has grown into so much more. He has shown me what love is. How a relationship is supposed to be and for that I am forever grateful. I could never ask for anyone better and I cannot wait to see what is in store for our lives together. He gives me the strength and courage to get through each day and face each hurdle. There aren't words to describe how wonderful it feels to be spending my life with him.

Stine/Christine/Chrine..whoever she is to you: The first weekend we were supposed to hang out I ditched her and somehow it has all taken off from there. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, but in the end she is always one of my best friends. She always takes the time to sit and talk with me. To let me vent, state my fears, or freak out about things. She always helps me try to find an answer or a solution and makes sure that we don't quit talking until I'm calmed down or happy. For that I am grateful. We all need someone like that in our life. We've faced some hard situations in life together and fought through them. As I get ready to graduate I realize how much our friendship has meant to me throughout the years. It is wonderful.


Eleesa: Again a friend that I've been through quite a bit with and rarely get to see. I absolutely adore the time that we get to spend together, she is such a good person. She is so innocent and sincere that she just ends up making you feel like a better person. I always feel refreshed after spending time with her. She is embarking onto a path which I hope I can follow in soon. She has a full time job, getting married and starting her real adult life. I admire her for more than she will ever know.



Bethany: I know, it's not a picture of us, but it is a picture of one of our best works of art to date. I don't have any pictures of us together that either of us would count as acceptable to post in a blog. We've lived together for 3 years and we've had our fair share of laughs. It is rarely a dull moment in our room and I don't think either of us would have survived amongst all of these crazy Mennonites without the comedic situations that occur in our room. We have broken enough rules around here that it's a wonder we're still here, but in 3 weeks we will have successfully gotten away with all of it! :)

There are many other people in my life that I am close to and for them I am also thankful. I'm sure there are plenty of amazing memories and experiences to enjoy in the coming months or even years.

Random Thoughts with a Smidge of Explanation

• Money: I'm finally starting to get back on my feet a little bit and I'm not having to literally spend pennies, but looking ahead, I don't think I'm very well off. The idea of no job and a lot of loans is quite terrifying. I know that people can do it, but I want to do it the right way; without credit cards and other loans. I want to move out and be able to take care of myself.
  
• Grammar: I know I'm in a grammar class at the moment, but I don't think that it has given me any leg up on anyone else when it comes to using proper grammar. All I have learned in that class is how to diagram a sentence. It bothers me when I read things that other people have written and it is an absolute mess. I'm not even talking about spelling, but punctuation and word choice are incredibly important.
• Friends: I am thankful for the friends that I have and I am happy when I get to see them. That being said I haven't seen any of my Napoleon friends since Christmas, if not before. I miss them. They each hold a special place in my heart and they each are important to me. Life has just thrown us on incredibly different paths that don't meet often.
  
• Child Molesters: Why is it that only men are seen as a threat when it comes to molesting a child? Not that I think it's ok no matter who does it, but after a discussion with a good friend today I have to sit and wonder why no one gets suspicious of women.
• Phones: My phone is holding on for dear life until June when it can finally be laid to rest and replaced by a new, less worn-out phone. What kind should I get and what do I really need it to be able to do? There are so many options anymore, but with the money situation that I see myself getting into here shortly, I think basic might be the best choice.
• Wedding Gifts: As I watch friend after friend go down the aisle I also have read my fair share of wedding registries. The long list of crap that they want everyone else to buy for their new home. Now here is my question. I am not getting married anytime soon and so I'll be out on my own for a bit before I get to make one of these lists. What do you put on it? I will already have most of what I need. I'm sure there may be a few things, but not too much. Here is my idea. Skip the presents and everyone chips in for a freaking sweet honeymoon! Then I get the vacation of a lifetime and skip dealing with the 4 toasters and 9 crock pots :)

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage". -- Lao Tzu

Our Plan...

After going to an hour long discussion about loans and how you have to pay hundreds of dollars back when the possibility of getting a job is slim to none Bethany and I have decided that we need to make a plan. The plan is looking something like this at the moment:

We are going to build the largest cardboard home you have ever seen. It will be lined with bubble wrap and packing peanuts for warmth and we plan to make some sort of cover out of tarps to keep the rain off of us. We don't need a soggy house. I have a roll of carpet, so our home will be carpeted for a little extra cushion. I also have a microwave, so we plan to place our house next to a building with an outdoor outlet so that we can steal their power at night to heat up our food that we find in the dumpster. I also have a futon. The cushion will serve as padding to sleep on and the frames will be used for support walls. We would also like to have a fruit tree near by so that we can stay healthy.

At this point we are in the market for any supplies at all. Please donate to our cause :)

Things That Make Me Smile (at the moment)

This boy is absolutely number one on this list. I don't know where I would be without him and I can't imagine living life any other way.

Other random things include:
Sleeping in
Anticipating Hugs
Finally feeling better
Accomplishing a large to-do list
Feeling relaxed about what's to come
Flowers blooming
Sunny days
Good songs on a long drive
Finally feeling like I'm back on top of my game
Finding new songs that speak to your heart
Random conversations with friends


Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures.-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.