Somedays...

...I feel like I'm running and running and getting nowhere. I'm not real sure how to go about fixing this feeling, but I do know that I just have to wait it out, and I HATE waiting. I can't wait to be "home". Home for the first time in a loooong time. For the past few years I haven't had one home. I've had about three that I bounced back and forth between. Next year though I will have one. And I will be starting my own life without the bouncing. Nothing brings me more joy than thinking about the day in which I get to say. I'm home.

I'm Only One Person

This is something that I've really had to come to terms with in the past couple of weeks. Obviously, I never thought I was more than one person, but I have to pick and choose my battles. I have to take care of myself and do whatever it takes to keep my own head above the water. In the past I've weighed myself down by trying to keep myself, along with everyone else that I know floating. Right now I have 43 Kindergartners that need me and I have me to take care of on top of that. I don't have a lot of time to figure out other people's lives and I don't have a lot of energy to to put into situations that don't involve me. And I shouldn't have to. It kills me because it upsets the friends that I've had for years, but at some point we all have to grow up and realize that the only person that can help you is you. No one else knows what else it is that you need and no one else knows every detail that makes the puzzle click together. You have to be able to do it on your own.

Props!

Today I would like to congratulate any single mother, or father, who has to work 2 jobs in order to make ends meet, and do so successfully by raising healthy, strong, and educated children. I'm only trying to fend for myself and I feel like I have hardly any time to breathe. I cannot even imagine how these people do it day in and day out. Between teaching all day, working at the coffee shop all night/weekends and taking an online Spanish class I just feel like every minute is vital and in my down time(like now) I don't even have the energy to do what really needs done, like laundry. I hope to never have to be in that situation to start with but if I ever was for some horrible reason, I'm not real sure how I would manage. It kills me to just think about it.

Growing up.

I've done a lot of changing over the last few months I think. Everything is moving so quickly now and I have such hectic weeks that I have to really step up to the plate to make sure that everything is getting done in a timely matter. I can't slack off anymore I have to be on the ball now. In a few short(and yet long) months I'm making one of the biggest changes in my life by moving across the country and in order to be successful in that I have to be successful now. I have to do well in school, I have to do superior at teaching, I have to get all of my ducks in a row, and i have to work long hours in order to save some money. It has been leaving me fairly exhausted( I slept for 12 hours last night), but yet feeling so fulfilled.

This week has been an absolute whirlwind of emotions. It's no wonder I feel exhausted, aside from being at Kindergarten all day of course. A month ago at this time I was SO excited. It was my last night of work for the summer and I was beaming with joy. So much that people were even like what is your deal. The next day I was hopping a plane to Washington. Everything was good in life. A month later and here I am having to still wait another 3 almost 4 months. Most days I'm alright with it, some days I really struggle. The days that I struggle usually fall on the weekends because 1. That was our time. 2. I rarely get to talk with him and 3. I'm finally not overly busy to the point of not being able to even think straight. Although, this weekend is halfway over and I'm doing pretty darn good thanks to a couple of good friends who let me talk about it, but don't let me dwell in it. They help keep me busy and help keep my spirits high and I cannot thank them enough for it. I feel like this is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life (I'm sure in 10 years it'll seem like a drop in the bucket, but for now it is.) I know I couldn't do it without friends to help me along the way. I'm already learning a lot about myself and our relationship through the whole experience and I think that is a good thing. I think our time apart is making us stronger together in the long run. That's what I tell myself anyway ;)

That was a scrambled mess, but that's just about how my head operates these days...

If I had a Genie...

I would wish for:

• a telephone service that was free and worked EVERYWHERE.
• an unlimited amount of free plane tickets for planes that took off at times that fit nicely with my life.
• A glimpse into what life is going to look like a year from now. (Hopefully it's drastically different)

I have more, but the typical rule of thumb for Genie's is that you only get 3. What would you wish for?