Stress vs. Relaxation

I have a job working at a migrant head start. I'm learning a lot by being there and I'm making great money doing it, but it is ridiculously stressful. I have 5 toddlers who I can barely communicate with because they are used to speaking Spanish at home. On top of that I can't really discipline them. I'm not allowed to put them in time out or anything of that nature. All I can do is say no no no over and over and over again and "redirect them". It doesn't work. They need discipline and there are a couple that are trying everything in their power to push me over the edge. I rarely loose my cool with kids, but there are times when I have to stop and take a couple deep breaths or find a reason to walk away because these kids just are rotten. Next week we are starting extended hours. Working 7-5 and probably Saturdays too. It's going to be a very long eight weeks. I'm not looking forward to it at all.

On the other hand. Last weekend Steven and I went to Lake Erie for the weekend. We found a really good deal on a decent hotel and spent a couple days in Michigan. It was SO wonderful to get away for a weekend and enjoy each others company for a couple of days without anyone else butting in or having to share our time. We spent our time walking the pier, the beach, swimming, playing dominoes and phase 10 and just watching TV. It was absolutely relaxing. We got up one morning and watched the sun rise over the lake. I was really excited about it the night before, angry when the alarm went off and I had to get out of bed, and so happy I did it when it was over. It was so beautiful out there and so peaceful (minus those pesky bugs). I left the weekend feeling happier than ever and absolutely thrilled to be spending the rest of my life with this man. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Now combine the 2. Good money and a great time with Steven and I get the urge even more so to move out. I've done the math and with all of the over time I'll be working here in the near future I'm pretty sure I can manage moving out. My mom doesn't think I can, but I'm pretty sure she's just having issues letting go because all the numbers line up. Either way I'm still very interested in moving out and I am going to keep pushing forward to find my own place. Living at home is not for me. (the few days that I do actually live here...)

The last couple of weeks have been kind of ridiculous. I was always running and always needing to be somewhere and it was tiring. I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to just sit. I was adjusting to working a 40 hour week and then still having to work another job on top of that one. It was too much. Today I finally had a day off. The WHOLE day off. Yesterday I had a day off too, but I spent about 4 hours of it driving. Not so enjoyable. It has been greatly rewarding and refreshing to be able to spend an entire day doing absolutely anything I wanted and not having to worry about being anywhere. I also got to spend it with the one person who means the most to me which is always great. I love days when we can just enjoy each others company and relax together. I know we see each other a lot, but it isn't the same when I've been working all day and come home exhausted already, or when we have to be around a crowd of people, or when there are things we have to get done. It's nice to just have a whole day to ourselves, free to do anything that we please. I guess the moral of the story is that I am overly grateful for a day off and looking forward to another one soon.

In other news:

My kids have arrived. It's been crazy busy and they wear me out, but for the most part I have a really good group of kids.

I'm getting more and more impatient about moving out. Hopefully I can pull it all together soon and get it underway. November scares me.

Although I don't have the photo to prove it, I danced on a bar this weekend, and was completely sober.

Steven and I are doing this semi-diet. More like cut back and watch what you eat kinda deal. I'm sucking at it and he's doing wonderful. I have no control.

I finally have my dress for Lori's wedding. Now I just need a speech..YIKES.

Here's the scoop

I'm tired.
I worked over time today.
My kids are coming for the first time tomorrow.
I got my dress for the wedding.
I've gotten to spend a lot more time with my boy than i expected to and LOVE it.
I don't know if I'm actually ready for my kids.
I have to go to Greenville Friday to deal with too many moody people.
I hope a mini-vaca really does come about in a week or so.
I work, I eat, I spend time with Steven, and I sleep.
Sleep is what I need now :)

After officially ending week one of my new job I am happy to report that all is going well. I haven't met my kids yet, I still have a week before that happens, but I'm beginning to fit in and get used to their system I think. Having this job relieves me of quite a bit of stress, for now at least. I wish that it was longer and that I didn't have to worry about what I was going to do again in the fall/winter, but this gives me the faith that it will all work out, that there is a plan to unfold somewhere along the line. I want to start saving quite a bit and I want to move out soon. Hopefully that plan begins to unfold too.

On a completely different note. The 4th of July. I have an absolutely horrible streak of awful July 4th evenings the past few years. This year it was all completely redeemed. I had an absolutely wonderful time this year. I loved getting to spend the weekend with Steven and getting to watch fireworks together. It's something that I've always wanted to do. I also loved friday night when we watched fireworks and made smores with all of the kids (ok, most of the kids). Some days I feel like I am more comfortable and fit in better with their family than I do my own. I look forward many more gatherings :)