I found this online and I agree with absolutely every one of them, but I bolded the ones that I loved the most.

Happiness is: 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. No lines at the supermarket. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 11. Chocolate milkshake ... (or vanilla ... or strawberry!) 12. A bubble bath. 13. Giggling. 14. A good conversation. 15. The beach16. Finding a 20-pound note in your coat from last winter. 17. Laughing at yourself.18. Eye contact with a hot member of the opposite sex.19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 20. Running through sprinklers. 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful/good looking. 23. Laughing at an inside joke. 24. Friends. 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). 28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. 29. Playing with a new puppy. 30. Having someone play with your hair. 31. Sweet dreams. 32. Hot chocolate. 33. Road trips with friends. 34. Swinging on swings. 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. 36. Making chocolate chip cookies (and eating them...!). 37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. 38. Holding hands with someone you care about. 39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you. 41. Watching the sunrise. 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. 43. Knowing that somebody misses you. 44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. 45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Cheers and Jeers

Cheer: Christmas, and getting to see family even if it was short lived.
Cheer: Getting to work at Alpine instead of the main kitchen, so stress free :)
Cheer: Spending time with fantastic people.
Jeer: Having to work that extra hour and a half for NO reason. I could be sleeping.
Jeer: New Years. blah. I still don't like to think about it.
Jeer: Only having a week of break left.


Only having a week of break left is actually probably the worst one of the three. Not only because I have to go back to school and work and the craziness of that life, but because I have to leave here. The night before going back has always been one of the hardest nights for me and I always thought it was because I was "leaving" Chuck. That obviously must not be the case though because I feel the sadness coming already. It's just the idea of finally getting used to something and then having to throw that all away and start all over again.

Just a warning. I'm on emotional overload tonight. This could get ugly.

Odd things keep happening in life, that I can't really explain. Thoughts and urges have come over me in the last week that have NEVER happened before. Last night I felt someones pain. They were upset and I cried FOR them. I have never cried for someone. I'm always the person that can keep it pulled together and doesn't break down. I couldn't. What does that mean? It has to mean something. There are feelings being fought that I've never even had to worry about before.

The holidays always make me feel lonely. I dread them. Even when I was dating someone we didn't spend holidays together (and i thought that was ok because why?). I dream of being with someone and getting to spend time with BOTH of our families. To be surrounded by SO many people that care about you and to enjoy all of their company. Hectic as it can get I'm sure, I live for the day I can do that.

New Years Eve. It is like the one day when you "have to have plans". It's like an unwritten rule. Which was fine when I had a big group of friends in high school that always got together, but now I don't. Out of that group of friends NONE of them are around. The one friend I spent it with last year isn't really talking to me anymore and I'm sure has some poor life decisions to make that night. Another night that just proves how alone you can really be in the world.

How do dreams work? Part of me believes that it is just your brain processing everything that you've done that day or thought about, but part of me thinks they are signs of something. Either way. I've had some vivid dreams last night and today.

Cheers and Jeers

Cheer: Getting to see your best friend after quite some time. AND for having a fabulous time with her.
Cheer: Spending time with people that make you laugh. A LOT.
Jeer: Being so out of shape that the Wii can make you overly sore.
Cheer: Great conversations with great people.
Jeer: Energy drinks and Mt. Dew not working when they're greatly needed.
Jeer: People that make situations overly awkward
Cheer: Hugs!
Jeer: Ice and the ruining of plans.

I have to say Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Smith as well. (not the movie) May life always bless two absolutely phenomenal people.

Never Give Up...

After looking at old pictures tonight and thinking about past experiences I thought of the many times in life where I have went to some ridiculous extreme to accomplish something. Looking back it's quite funny. So, I thought I should share.

1. One winter Lori and I bought an inter tube sled. We were going to use it the next day at our friends house, it was going to be a whole lot of fun. Except we had to blow it up. We didn't have an air compressor, so we sat in the basement ALL night and blew that sucker up with our own (4) lungs. Then we didn't even use it the next day. Pathetic.
2. Cleaning the fish tank with Bethany. We've always went about things in all of the wrong ways. Why would cleaning the fish tank be any exception? If my memory serves me right we used cups, bowls, and spoons to accomplish the task. End result: a half dead fish that was flushed before he expired...
3. Camping with Danielle and Kati a couple of summers ago we were going to make apple pudggie pies. My favorite thing in all of life. One night we decide to open the apples, no can opener. I successfully opened the apples with a screwdriver and a hammer after about 20 minutes. No fingers lost...luckily.
4. Moving out of College is always hard. It's even harder when everything big is already gone and you still have a night left to entertain yourself. It could result in a group of girls who wanted to watch a NASCAR race (some of us who were just there to be with friends, ahem..me.) with no TV. Amanda Stine and I all successfully watched the race on the computer while laying on a blanket on the floor. No cars. Just colored dots if I remember right...
5. In high school Lori always had a strange love for duct tape, so she always had some in her car. She also had a car with a glove box that rattled louder than anything you have ever heard. Every time I got in that car I would duct tape it shut. Years later, her dad just took the glove box out and put the door back on for "show". Apparently the duct tape was getting too expensive...

My Christmas Wish List

There are plenty of things that I could say I want...but would never ask for because they are far too pricey or i just don't need. I thought I would share anyway.

1. A Wii fit. Would I actually use it? Probably for a week. Then it would just be a hit and miss kind of thing. Not worth the money or the hassle of trying to find one.
2. A Blackberry Storm. I'm not very high tech but that thing is pretty flippin' sweet. Sadly though, I don't have Verizon, I'm in contract until June, and it's about 200 dollars.
3. A vacation for myself and a handful of my closest friends. I'm talking somewhere warm, with plenty of hot single people, and good drinks =)
4. A new ring. I'm so used to wearing my class ring that it feels odd not to have one. And when I'm nervous I like to spin it. I feel as though it's time to move on. I was going to make chuck buy that...guess not anymore.
5. A big TV. the 13in is getting old, quick. I will get a larger TV when I move out. somehow.
6. A bigger bed. I want to sprawl out lol. Clearly again this has to wait until I move out, this room can't handle that kind of an object.
7. A new boyfriend...but that isn't really buyable. I surely am ready to be stunned by someone magnificent though :)

That's about all I can muster up at the moment. Give it time, I'm sure I'll think of more =)

A while back (July 26th I believe ha ha) I posted this. It was something that I had made in one of my "postsecret" moments and I never knew it held the secret to my future. I said it all in this postcard. The reason my last relationship didn't work, and yet it took another four months to actually end. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I was holding onto a dream. Like the picture says I was hoping to hear the things I needed to hear to be happy and they never came. Why did I think that they would just all the sudden pop out of no where? Thinking about this I also start to wonder, at what point did I start t settle for this? I thought he was just being a typical man and that there aren't men who actually share those kinds of thoughts with people, but I was so wrong. I have these new friends. Both men and they tell me how they feel about things. We can discuss feelings. I dated him for 2.5 years and hid my feelings all the way along, until one day they would have built up so much that they would just explode like crazy. Why was this OK? Looking back I cannot believe the things that I dealt with. I cannot believe that I thought it was happily ever after. I guess that is what they meant when they said "You live and you learn".

Please keep all hands and feet inside the ride...

I only say that because this post is going to be all over the place.

• I now, more than ever, remember what I hate about coming home for breaks. Switching lives. I live two lives. Like it or not. Who I am in Bluffton and who I am in Napoleon are not the same people. I mean the core of me is, but the freedoms that I have and the way I go about life are completely different. It's hard to make the switch and still try to go on like nothing is happening at all.
• I need a hobby, a niche, something that I can do and enjoy on my own. I don't have one, and I'm not skilled at many things. What I'm good at are people. I'm good at getting them to talk and open up and I'm good at making them laugh, but when no one is around, what does that leave me? Not much.
• I've just came to the realization that I have to actually take classes again next semester and still try my best. I knew this was going to happen. I want to be done. I can teach, I've proven it, why can't I just TEACH. So aggravating.
• I want a spark of excitement in life. Something to look forward to. Someone asked me the other day what I was looking forward to in the near future. I couldn't come up with anything. How sad is that. The closest thing I could think of is Graduation in May(which is semi-debatable) and then Lori's wedding in August. I'm not patient, I need something to get me through the hump of winter...

I just realized that this summer I would post my Cheers and Jeers, but I haven't done it for quite some time. So without further ado, the Cheers and Jeers of the past semester:

CHEER: Successfully completely my student teaching. I was terrified going into it, but it went SO well!
JEER: Having to leave those kids. All 43 of them have touched my heart so much and helped me to learn so many things.
CHEER: For getting so much closer with old friends and getting to know new friends. Where would we be without friends really?
JEER: For losing the one person I thought I would always have.
CHEER: For losing the person who was making my life harder than it should have been.
CHEER: For good laughs and high hopes
JEER: For being terrified of what's to come after May.

How exactly is it that i can run on 4-5 hours of sleep for several nights in a row. My body keeps saying, Just take a nap, but the rest of me has better things to do. I haven't been this happy and carefree in quite some time. It feel so good. I'm only in good relationships now, not romantically, obviously, but still I'm only surrounded by people that make my life joyous and not stressful. I don't thank them enough for being the best friends around. They are honestly the people that have made these last few weeks as fantastic as they were. So, here's to all the wonderful people in my life =)