A Tangled Mess

People always say that doors are opening up for you or will open up for you and that things will work out, but right now it feel like one tangled mess that is never going to straighten itself out. I'm trying to be patient and I'm trying to just let things fall into place how they are supposed to be, but lets face it, I'm not a patient person. I'm trying to enjoy my summer and make the most of what I have, but there is so much of me that worries about what is going to happen at the end of the summer and how I'm going to be able to do what I want to do that it sometimes interferes with relaxing. There is only one strand of the whole tangled mess that has freed itself and seems completely clear to me and that is my relationship with Steven. I am absolutely blessed to have him with me in life now and in the many years to come. He sits with me late at night while I freak out and somehow can always find what it takes to calm me down. I know that in the end everything always works out, but right now at this spot it feels absolutely impossible. There are so many things that are not coming together and I have no idea what else I can do to make it work. I hate sitting back and watching. I need to be involved, I need to feel like I'm doing absolutely everything I can to make something work, but right now I feel like I've exhausted all of my options and it has left me with nothing but a mess.