A down right mess.

That is exactly what I have felt like lately. A mess. My plate is full and my worries are huge and it has completely consumed my mind. I keep trying to block it all out and I keep trying not to worry, but I'm not succeeding. Maybe to some I am, but to one I am not. I am actually thankful for him. He has sat and talked with me SO much this week to try to keep me calm and to keep my worries low. It has helped a lot and he's helped me to actually sit and face my fears. Here is a look into my world at the moment:

• Jobs: I have to fill out applications and write cover letters. I have to do this for tons of schools. I'm doing all of this work for all of these schools and they don't even have openings right now. It makes it difficult to get excited about. I've made nice improvement this week, but I still have so far to go.


• Life after May 3rd: So, I pack my crap up, I walk across the stage I get my diploma and I drive back to Napoleon. Then what? This is actually where tons of my worries lie. I have to find somewhere to live. I have to find a way to be able to afford to live there. I have to buy things (big things aka lots of money) to fill this place to live. I mean I have a microwave, a futon, dishes, and towels. I don't think that's going to cut it. And when do you make "the move"? How long do I keep living at home and putting money in the bank before you finally have enough? What if I plain out fail?


• Graduating: This really isn't really a great concern of mine I just have to keep at myself to do well in classes. I feel like I'm done already and classes are at the bottom of the list of important things to do. I do still need to pass.
• Lori's Wedding: I'm the maid of honor and I know that I have parties to plan and things to organize, but honestly it is the least of my concerns at the moment. Unfortunately it is at the top of Hollie's to-do list (the matron of honor). She keeps emailing me and she wants it all planned out right now it's stressing me out. I can't worry about that crap right now. It'll get done I know it will, but right now I have to get my own life headed in the right direction.
• People: I always worry about if I'm upsetting people and I'm always trying to stay on their good side and I always try to make their life easier. All of which takes time and a lot of energy. Time and energy that I really need to be spending on myself for once. So, sorry in advance if I come off harsh.

That's about all for now. I'm sure there will be plenty more. I'll keep it updated, but now my computer is about to get fixed, lets hope it goes well...